


The First Man I Ever Killed: Homelander

by Beserk



Series: The First Man I Ever Killed [2]
Category: The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 00:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30080406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beserk/pseuds/Beserk
Summary: Story time, Homelander style.
Relationships: Billy Butcher/The Homelander | John
Series: The First Man I Ever Killed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2213154
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	The First Man I Ever Killed: Homelander

"Who was the first bloke you shanked?" 

Homelander groans, burrowing deeper into the warmth of Billy's bed. He hasn't slept in a week, which even for him was a bit much, and now he just wants to rest. Why he’s trying to do that here, in Billy Butcher's fucking apartment, is beyond him. But this is visit number eleven, the third time this week, so clearly he has done what Vogelbaum had always feared he would and lost his fucking mind, so there isn't much point worrying about it. 

Billy isn't in the bed with him. He always slips out as soon as Homelander comes in, goes to sit on the chair nearby and watches. Homelander asks him questions then, about his time in the British military, or his time at MI6, the CIA or the Boys. He gets stories of blood and torture and the journey of a man slowly losing his hatred of death, and he wonders if this is how children feel hearing bedtime stories. Only instead of getting sleepy he gets more and more aroused (he's pretty sure it wouldn't be appropriate for a kid to get that reaction). Eventually the stories are enough, and Homelander is hard and aching in his suit, and that's when he leaves the bed to grab Billy and rut against him until he comes. 

He makes sure Billy comes as well, getting on his knees and blowing the man or jerking him off if he wants to be to look at his eyes while he comes undone. 

He hates being down there, under the complete mercy of this pathetic mudman. He hates it. He keeps coming back. He's too tired to think about that right now, though. Right now he just wants to sleep. And if Billy keeps quiet, he's quite sure he'll be able to. So of course, Billy doesn't comply, the dickhead. 

"The first one," Billy asks again. "D'you remember?" 

"Of course I fucking remember, what do you think I am, some kind of retard?" 

"Yes," Billy replies dryly, and Homelander hates him. Hates him so fucking much it's almost impressive. 

"I hate you so fucking much," He informs Billy. 

"You ain't alone on that one," Billy sneers, and Homelander frowns, trying to figure out if that means Billy means that he hates _him_ , or _himself._ Probably both. Billy is just as fucked up in the head as Homelander. 

"Tell me," Billy orders. 

Homelander sighs deeply and twists around so he can stare up at the ceiling (he can't see anything past it, because Billy has put _fucking zinc in the ceilings, walls and floors_ and god _he wants to kill him_ ). "It was a robber, he was trying to steal some stupid TVs from a store at night. It was the old TVs, the ones that are fatter than the women at McDonalds. He was carrying the TVs to a van that was waiting." 

"Did he attack you?" 

"Attack me?" Homelander snorted. "Tried, the asshole. It was my first ever mission for Vought, so I wasn't known yet. He tried to hit me with a bat. The bat broke, obviously." 

"Why'd you kill him?" Billy asks. "You ain't never got to kill no one. No one can threaten you." 

"So? I _can_ kill them, so why shouldn't I?" 

"Just 'cause you bloody _can_ do somethin ' don't mean you _should_." 

"Yes, it does," Homelander replies. "You just don't think so because of stupid philosophies about the importance of human life and blah blah blah. The natural way to live is the way I do. I'm stronger, I can hurt people, so that's what I'm going to do." 

"That's just how it is?" 

"That's just how it is," Homelander nods, satisfied. 

For a moment, because then Billy says, "That's bloody arseshite and you know it." 

Homelander sits up, letting his eyes grow red. He can't do anything, but most people would flinch from that. 

Billy just raises his eyes at him and says, "You all right there?" 

"What do you mean," Homelander hisses. "That it's _ass-shit_?" 

Billy shrugs, carefree and pleased with himself, "If you really thought so, you'd have shanked me and taken Ryan. You wouldn't be where you are, under Maeve's pretty boots and licking her cunt to make sure you're pleasin' her." 

"I could change my mind," Homelander warms. "I could kill you now. I'm not even sure that would make Maeve release the video. Is one lousy life really worth-" 

"You ain't doin' it," Billy's dismissive. Dismissive of _him_ , of fucking _Homelander_ _._

"I could-" 

"You won't. 'Cause no matter how long you yap, I know that you need them. All those people adorin' you, you need them, need them to tell you that you're _good_ , that you have the right to live. Sad, ain't it? No one told you that you mattered when you were little. Look where it got you." 

Homelander hates him, he really does. He goes to blow his brains out anyways. 


End file.
